Okay, this is a topic I want to address. So many people are afraid that they might have the gift of singleness/celibacy. Just because you have been single for what may feel like forever doesn’t mean you have this gift. The enemy wants to rob you of your peace and joy, so he plants these fears in your head. You began to think that you will never have that mate you desire so dearly.
God knows your heart and guess what, He is quite the Loving God. Why is this important to remember? Let’s simplify this discussion for a moment. Let’s say you were in a deep relationship with a man or a woman. That person loves you so much that they do things that are pleasing to your heart. They give you nice things, spend time with you in exchange for you loving them in return. You expect that person to do right by you because you’re in a committed relationship with them. Well having a loving relationship with God is just like that except that man or woman will eventually let you down in some way or another, and God WILL NEVER let you down. Everything God does for us is in our best interest, even though it may not seem like it at the time.
So why is it that we can expect good things from an earthly mate but can’t expect things from our Super God? Could it be that its because we’ve had moments where we prayed and asked God for things and His answer was “no” or possibly “not right now”? Were we praying out of God’s Will? How do we even know of something is God’s Will? The first indication that something is out of God’s Will is when it doesn’t line up with Scripture. So yep you would have to do your research in the Bible to make sure you are aligned.
Back to the original topic. You want to be married. What does that Bible say about marriage? 1 Corinthians 7:1-40 says “Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Now don’t go around allowing your hormones to go crazy thinking you are going to justify marriage to God. I have been there and done that. The only thing that came out of that was a lustful seed, sexual sin and tons of regret. You can’t hustle God! So why would Paul instruct us to get married if we were struggling? Yes God would rather you get married if you are being defeated by your sin but He isn’t going to allow you to use your sin to manipulate Him. I believe if you honestly want to do things the right way, and you’re in a relationship with your mate and you guys want to marry so you can find favor in Christ, then yes go and get married. But your motives have to be legit. God knows your heart and as I said before you can’t hustle God.
Now you say you don’t want the gift of singlehood or the gift of celibacy. Well chances are you probably don’t have it. We are given many spiritual gifts and when you receive a gift from God it usually comes in a form of comfort to the heart. It might not put you in a comfortable situation but it might be comfort to the heart in a sense that you feel at peace knowing this is what God is going to have you to do. That’s usually how we know God is speaking to us when we fill that sense of peace. Being that you don’t have the desire to be single nor celibate you probably don’t have that gift and your singleness is for a period of time, depending on what you’re called to do in ministry and how obedient you are.
God isn’t going to give you a gift until you’re in a place to receive it. If you’re still living your life like a hot mess, why would God give His “best” to you? If you’re not where you should be in ministry and you are suppose to be a leader for your wife, or a helper for your husband but you haven’t met the prerequisites why would God give you His “best” to mess up that other person’s life as well? If you aren’t in a position to take care of a household why would God give you His “best”? You have to get your life together before you can have God’s best.
Another factor to look at is sometimes its not you that is holding up the process. Sometimes the person God has chosen for you isn’t quite ready yet. They have some kinks they have to work out in their lives before they can be considered God’s “best” for you. God has revealed to me that this is the case in my situation. My husband isn’t ready yet. Am I going to just sit around and do nothing until he comes? Absolutely not! I’m going to use this time to better myself. I don’t like to cook, so I’m going to work on my cooking skills. I can’t drive, I live in New York City where people rely more on the public transportation system than automobiles. So I’m going to learn how to drive in the mean time, because my husband might want a woman that operate a car. Or maybe he doesn’t live in New York and if I move to where he is located most likely I will need a car. I can’t swim, and I’m scared of water. Oddly enough I have suddenly acquired a desire to learn how to swim. Maybe my husband will be a person that likes the water. Or maybe he won’t know how to swim and I will teach him someday and it will be a great interactive activity for us. Who knows.
The point is, I’m making my time useful by bettering myself before I have all the responsibilities and time restraints that comes along with marriage. I also plan on taking more classes at church after work, and to serve more. I plan on spending more time at that gym to add on to all this sexiness lol. I’m using my time wisely and so should you.
Let’s stop moaning and groaning about the things we are unhappy about and can’t control/change because its not the appointed time for our blessing. Lets start focusing on the things we can change. It takes changing your mindset and changing your attitude, and letting go of that nasty lie satan placed in your head, that sparked a fear that you will be single forever. You are your biggest hurdle. Let’s overcome people.
God created marriage because He said it was not good for a man to be alone. Marriage is a good thing. If you have a desire to be married it came from God. Satan doesn’t believe in marriages, he destroys them. He wants you to live in sin forever so you will one day perish like him. You will marry someday if you do things God’s way and in His timing. Those who have the gift of singleness have no desire to get married, God has equipped them with what it takes to stay single forever.
So stop worrying and stop being impatient. This is a challenge for me too and I have to motivate myself daily. I believe once you beat this, you will look up and it will all be over (meaning the blessing will be there). Please be encouraged. I love you all.
-Kimberly L. Watts